Ups and downs

UPs –

Last week on the 12th of June i heard words i had been waiting a long time to hear, i was at my check up with my endocrinologist ( i think thats spelt write ) and he had the results back from a blood test where they was checking for a hormone called Thyrogobulin ( again i think thats spelt write ), with this if it read as a high number it meant i had active thyroid tissue which for me would of meant cancer is still there and i would of had to have more radio iodine treatment later in the year.

Well the results come back and it was really low and doc said the words ” as far as i am concerned the cancer is gone”, to be completely honest it didnt really sink in the first time he said it. We carried on talking and going over the results and at the end of the appointment i asked him outright, ” so the cancer is gone?” he replied saying “yes as far as i am concerned its gone” at this point it hadn’t really sunk in!

When we left the appointment my mum said to me ” wow thats good news” at this point i couldn’t speak i just started to cry and could not bring myself to speak, mum ( an amazing women by the way, and been a complete rock to me during this entire experience ) told me to go into the toilets and she will meet me in the car. I remember looking into the mirror in the toilet and saying FUCK YEAH!!!! got straight onto the phone and rang a few friends and shared the news, really was a dam good day!!!

Downs

The next day i had an appointment at a dermatologist to talk about a lump that had appeared on my knee and another which has appeared in my mouth, the one in the mouth the docs told me to talk to my ENT specialist as that is there area of expertise.

The lump on my knee she said it concerns her because she cant look at it and put a name to it, so wants it taken out asap to be tested. So move forward one week and i have had the lump taken out and going through this process of waiting for the results to see what it is.

Now i have always been quite a logical thinker and i am really fucking struggling to convince myself this is going to be ok, reason being ?

  • I have had cancer
  • Cancer runs in the family
  • i got this weird rash that keeps randomly appearing
  • the lumps have appeared for no real reason at all

So as of right now, my heads a mess and i am scared as hell to find out what this may be!, i hate the idea that this one appointment could change my entire life all over again!

Through all this iv learned being scared really is ok there is absolute no shame in it whatsoever, i am finding myself wanting to randomly break into crying and i am doing my best to not take how i am feeling out on the people closest to me as its not fair on them.

Again i am not reading this back through as i know i’ll change my mind about either writing it and sharing it with the world ha.

Doing my absolute best to stay positive and convince myself that this will be ok, honestly not sure if i can take hearing my name and cancer in the same sentence again from a doctor!

Hopefully it all comes back ok 🙂

Thank you for reading!

 

2 thoughts on “Ups and downs

  1. You are the strongest person i no son,me and your dad could not be any prouder of you.YOU beat it and it’s GONE!!!!!!!! Like you say moveing forwards onwards and upwards.Your very lucky in the sense that you have an amazing bunch of friends who have also supported you along this awful journey,not many people can say that son!!!!!! You need to cry then flipin well cry son,exactly in the same way that wen you wanna larf YOU LARF son:) . Were always gona be here for you regardless:) so on that note carry on being YOU be proud of yourself coz we are dam well proud of you son….ile go now as you don’t really need your mother harping on lolololol huge hugs kisses always love you dearly my son.. xxxmumxxxxxx

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