Scared

Tuesday afternoon i am going for an appointment to find the results of the lump they took out of my knee last week.

I used to hate expressing how i felt about something like this, if you ask me in person how i am, id probably lie through my teeth and tell you i am fine, right now im sat in the cinema waiting for a friend of mine to see a film and im doing my best to not break out in tears, some people may say man up? And to them id probably tell them to go f*ck themselves. No one has the right to say anything like that untill they walked the same journey im on.

I am seriously scared of what the doc may tell me on Tuesday, part of me is considering telling my family the doc had to move it to wednesday. Why? My mum has been there when my dad was diagnosed with leaukimea ( blood cancer ) shes been there when i was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, if its bad news i really do not want her to have to sit through anything like that for a 3rd time!!!! No one deserves to have to sit through that once yet alone anything more then that! Shes an angel to our family and the glue that holds us all together!

Well there it goes now im bloody crying ha! 

Well point im trying to out accross is dont hide from your emotion confront it and deal with it, cause im suffering from years of holding in how i feel and what i wanted to say and its not good!

I dont believe in god but hell i may say a lil prayer monday night to whoever may be listening that tuesday goes good! 

Sorry for rambling on but using this as a platform to express how i feel seems to be helping me so im going to use it more.

Thank you

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