Todays the day

So today is the day i go and get my results for the lump they removed from my knee.

Currently sat in the back of my dads car on the way to the hospital with eminems not afraid playing in one ear on repeat, and i feel sick to my stomach! Someone just cut my dad up and i had my seatbelt off ready to get out the car and go for the person! Which is not me at all!

Well what can i say i just want this to be over, gone over this moment countless times in my head since i got told i had to have the lump removed. 

Hopefully i will hold it together if the results come back badly, its weird iv almost convinced myself this is not going to be good results! Weird as fuck why do we do this to ourselves ? Anyone have any ideas ?

Dont really know the point of this post more just using it more to voice whats in my head. 

I dont enjoy the emotions im going through now as i dont feel iv managed to get the control over them as i have with any other bad thoughts and channeled them into my lifting. Hopefully one day I’ll have control over them. Had a refferal letter in my bag for a counsellor for the last 2 weeks but keep convincing myself im alright hopefully I’ll get round to doing it. 

Anyway this is me as usual putting it out there for anyone to read.

Hope my shit helps someone one day! 

Appointments 5:10pm its currently 4:18pm wish me luck! X

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