Ups and downs pt 2

So this morning i went to see my ent specialist who told me i need 2 more scans before i officially get the all clear from cancer.

So here i am again sat in a hospital waiting room with my thoughts for company not knowing if this scan is going to be the thing that takes me back 6 months to radiotherapy again!

Am i scared ? Strangely i dont actually know i feel im at the point where im just fucking fed up! The last 2 months i seem to be averaging 2 hospital visits a week and every week iv been told something good + what iv started to call black cloud news.

Black cloud news – something which will cloud my thoughts and sit in the back of my mind from the moment im told about it till its done.

Lets hope this cloud fucks off soon! After this i got to have a blood test in September which will be my last of 3 tests then i am officially clear of this big fucking cloud! 

Still got one lump to be removed from my mouth and tested but the Dr has reassured me he has no reason to think its dangerous, do i believe him? I think so although i feel im fighting a permanent battle with my anxiety to convince myself.

Anyway im starting to ramble on! Hopefully all will be ok

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